So, Sunday early afternoon and I am feeling incredibly pissed off.
It's MEA weekend and I haven't been able to do a damn thing with my kid. Well, one that includes us leaving the house.
Wanna know why? Because I'm broke.
I paid all my bills and my account is in the negative.
Now, I could charge an afternoon of fun with my lil lady, but that makes me even more disgusted.
I was on my way to kickboxing this morning and I turned around. I have never done that before. Ever.
I'm so mad at myself and now I'm taking it out on Ella. UGH!
She baked a cake last night and in flipping it out of the pan it broke. There's no fixing it, so I suggested that she make cake balls. Well - she decided to use all the damn sprinkles that we have in 12 cake balls. This shit pisses me off. Not only did she not ask if she could, she just did it and now she's upset with herself because the cake balls are an FUGLY color.
I'm just irritated all over the board.
I came home to hang with Ella because it feels like I never see her and here I am pissed off at her, myself, and everyone else. I want to shake this mood, but I don't know how.
I should've gone to kickboxing. I should have never turned around. I'm so mad at myself.
I gotta get outta this funk. Not sure how though.
I should've gone to kickboxing.
Sunday, October 21, 2018
Something has been on my mind...
Recently a friend reconnected with me. We'll call him C. C and I have known each other for about 10+ years.
We became friends when I worked with Medica. We've tried doing the romantical thing, the friend thing, and the coworker thing.
Last time I saw and spoke with C, wasn't the greatest. I was hurt and frustrated with him and was tired of what seemed like a game that he was playing with myself and my daughter. So, I told him how disappointed I was and even though he apologized, I couldn't get over it.
Nobody disappoints my daughter. And if you're a friend of mine and you promise something to my daughter and don't have the decency to explain the disappointment, then you can kick rocks.
Well, anywho... Here I am, busy living my life with my mini, and he contacts me back. After 3+ years... we've only texted to play catch up, and I'm still pissed at him.
Even more so after he had the balls to recently tell me that I am too involved in my responsibilities to achieve my deserved happiness.
Now, it's been weeks since we've brought that shit up, but it's stuck in my head. I know he's full of shit, but when I take a step back and look at all that I do, I do just surround myself with my responsibilities.
I don't hide behind them, like he thinks I do.
I focus on them because when I accomplish them, it makes me happy.
It's 9:30 on a Sunday morning and I'm almost done with my chores. That's HUGE for me, and helps with my internal happiness. My daughter is happy and healthy because I can keep myself centered enough to focus on being happy too.
I will have to say, I do put her and my responsibilities in front of my own desires, and it's a learning process for me. I want to do better for me. It's all baby steps in learning how to grow, right?
I know where he's going with his statement though, he's more concerned about my marital status and that I have not allowed a man to help and love me.
I don't need it. I've got plenty of friends and family around me that are in the same boat, or have been, and in my opinion, their life is beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
So screw you C. You can't win my brain battles. I am learning to love myself. You just don't see the true beauty because you're hiding behind text messages.
We became friends when I worked with Medica. We've tried doing the romantical thing, the friend thing, and the coworker thing.
Last time I saw and spoke with C, wasn't the greatest. I was hurt and frustrated with him and was tired of what seemed like a game that he was playing with myself and my daughter. So, I told him how disappointed I was and even though he apologized, I couldn't get over it.
Nobody disappoints my daughter. And if you're a friend of mine and you promise something to my daughter and don't have the decency to explain the disappointment, then you can kick rocks.
Well, anywho... Here I am, busy living my life with my mini, and he contacts me back. After 3+ years... we've only texted to play catch up, and I'm still pissed at him.
Even more so after he had the balls to recently tell me that I am too involved in my responsibilities to achieve my deserved happiness.
Now, it's been weeks since we've brought that shit up, but it's stuck in my head. I know he's full of shit, but when I take a step back and look at all that I do, I do just surround myself with my responsibilities.
I don't hide behind them, like he thinks I do.
I focus on them because when I accomplish them, it makes me happy.
It's 9:30 on a Sunday morning and I'm almost done with my chores. That's HUGE for me, and helps with my internal happiness. My daughter is happy and healthy because I can keep myself centered enough to focus on being happy too.
I will have to say, I do put her and my responsibilities in front of my own desires, and it's a learning process for me. I want to do better for me. It's all baby steps in learning how to grow, right?
I know where he's going with his statement though, he's more concerned about my marital status and that I have not allowed a man to help and love me.
I don't need it. I've got plenty of friends and family around me that are in the same boat, or have been, and in my opinion, their life is beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
So screw you C. You can't win my brain battles. I am learning to love myself. You just don't see the true beauty because you're hiding behind text messages.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)